were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
