Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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