And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
