she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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