I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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