my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
