u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
