This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
