So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
