dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
