Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
