He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
