i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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