you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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