I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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