We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
