either way he was missing a nipple.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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