it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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