Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
