I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
