did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my being single is dangerous.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
