just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
