no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
