Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
wanna go halves on a baby?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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