chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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