Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
