I want to make a zoo with you.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
