Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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