just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
