Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
