I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
