Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
