Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He has the fingertips of a God
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