I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
