So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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