you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
