if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
