accomplished twins. life is a go
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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