i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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