He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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