If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
