about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I need water and some morals
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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