I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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