Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Mom said you looked used
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
