Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
