i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
