I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
