I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
