38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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