No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
